Time Cannon

Sign o' The Times So Iv'e told you before that the field department of our company attracts a rather colorful type of individual. Drunks, druggies, and good ol rednecks. Yesterday I was working on a PC in one of the field managers office and noticed a piece of paper hanging down over one of the field crew's in-box. The print was about a 3rd grade level and it said: " Do not call me, I will be drunk and won't can understand you. Thanks. Joe ." Looks like Joe has his vacation planned out.

No Goodniks There was a pretty nasty vulnerability exploited in Internet Explorer this weekend. Hackers infiltrated web servers of some pretty popular websites and planted a nice little virus for anyone who happened to visit the site using Internet Explorer. This code dropped a Trojan horse on the persons machine and started transferring the persons personal data to a server located in Russia for use with bad intentions I'm sure. Microsoft's response was that people using XP with service pack 2 are not vulnerable. That's nice, considering that Service Pack 2 is still in beta and 98 percent of your average users wouldn't know where to download it. The other alternative is to set Internet Explorers security settings all the way to High . Which of course, breaks just about any webpage you want to visit. Er, how about patching the hole in IE? The server in Russia that was the destination of the stolen data, was shut down by the "authorities". So th...

We Can Improve Your IT Service At Half The Cost Local Outsourcing Telemarketing Moron I got an interesting phone call today. A person from Global Pardigm Solutions asked how I was doing. When my '90s Corporate Buzzword meter exploded at the sound of that ridiculous company name, I should have went ahead and hung up. But I'm a glutton for punishment. He began his speil, not letting me get a word in. He explained to me how he and his company can end our IT woes by outsourcing all the technical functions for one low cost. Heck they'd even run our Email server for us. When he finished I asked him if he knew what I did. He said that he knew we were in the Land Survey business. I then told him that I was the person he was trying to replace. After a few stammering words he attempted to backtrack. A fella named Mike could swing by the office and have a ten minute meet and greet. I have found that on sales calls, the best way to get back at them is to let them think t...

"Dude, can I borrow your ticket stub? Local Burnout Concertgoer The concert was great. As I said previously, I'm not a huge Rush fan, but they put on a hell of a show. When you've played together for 30 years, I guess you have it down pretty good. This was @'s first show. They played for three and a half hours, over 30 songs, with a 20 minute intermission. He didn't know many of the songs but never looked bored. That's the great thing about a big rock show, if there is a lull in the action, you can always people-watch, especially an older established band, with older fans. My buddy and me had a bet, whoever guessed the opening song got free beer that night. My guess (Spirit of Radio) was the winner. I took full advantage of my victory. Good thing, too, as beer was ridiculously priced at EIGHT FIFTY a beer. The best part of the show was, as with any Rush show, the drum solo. Universally regarded as the best rock drummer of all time Neal Peart d...

"Invisible Airwaves Crackle With Life..." Rush, Spirit of Radio A big event happens tonight. I'm taking the boy to his first concert. Rush is currently on their 30th Anniversary tour and coming through Dallas. While not a huge fan of the band, I really wanted to take @ to see them because @ plays the drums. And anyone who knows anything about Rock N Roll, knows the best drummer in the known galaxy is Rush's Neil Peart. Even if @ only knows two songs (Tom Sawyer and Limelight) you can't go wrong spending two hours watching someone who is the best at what they do. Even better, is the location of the seats (Section 101, Row n), thats 13 row center stage my friend. I'm really looking forward to it, nothing like a good loud Rock N Roll show to get things back into perspective.

Screwed Who's the guy they named the Phillips head screw for? Is someone out there heir to the vast Phillips Head Screw Guy Fortune? Just wondering.

Logitech MX510 Last week I replaced my trusty Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer with the new Logitech MX510 , and I couldn't be happier. I had read lots of online reviews and had two co-workers swear by this mouse. I was a little hesitant, because its a corded mouse, but wireless has it's detractions also, mainly the fact that it drinks batteries like no tomorrow. Currently the mouse comes in 2 versions, blue and red. The 'hologram' paint cannot be justified in a picture, you really have to see it to see how cool it is. I got the supposedly hard to find blue model at CompUSA, justifying the fifty dollar purchase as an early fathers day gift (God bless my wife, I don't know why she puts up with me). It comes as a USB mouse with the PS2 adapter and installs quickly. I immediately noticed a difference from the start. The MX510 is so much smoother than the Intellimouse (as the Intellimouse is 400 DPI and the Logitech is 800 DPI). Working in Photoshop, cropp...

Ya Can't Take The Mom and Pop Outta The Shop Our company is trying to take the step from "small business" to "medium - to large" company. In the last year, we've moved from and eight thousand square foot rental office to purchasing a thirty two thousand sqare foot office building. Thats no Microsoft, but considering this thing litterally started in someones garage. It's pretty amazing. It's also the reason that I'm still working here. I could probably make a little more money elsewhere, but I think I'm in on the ground floor of something that could, and has, really start taking off. But I digress, for whatever reason, the Land Survey business attracts (at least for the field work) an interesting type of individual. To put it blunty, most are drunks and druggies. Hey, I ain't throwing stones in a glass house here, I don't do it at work. Until today, that is. The owner of the company started in the field. They drank a...

" And summer's lease hath all too short a date. " William Shakespeare Where did the time go? I have a 14 year old in the midst of enjoying his summer break, and it makes me pine for that two month vacation of youth. Why couldn't someone have sat me down and said, "look, these summers don't last forever. Savor every single care free minute of them. Stay up until two in the morning every night. Get up and ten. Enjoy it every bit, because once they are gone, they don't come back. You will never again experience these days unencumbered by pressure. Sure, you'll take vacations, and if your lucky, you won't start worrying about the real life traumas that await your return at least until the second day of your so called vacation. But this, you will never experience again." But no one told me that. Instead my asshole father wondered why the hell I was sleeping all day, and why I didn't do anything he considered productive. Only wi...

Check The Physical I'm a Systems Administrator for a medium size company. Were big enough to have an IT department but small enough to only have one IT "guy". I'm it (no pun intended). The range of issues I deal with is literally one end of the spectrum to the other. We also have a small office in East Texas, with about 10 users that I support. I've got everything out there locked down and running smooth. The following actually happened, the names have been changed to protect the innocent. It's a transcript of an actual call. I swear. Bacon : This is Bacon can I help you? EastTexasBob : Yeah, we just hired a new guy and I'm trying to get the pc on the network and its not working. Bacon : (Checks the IP Spreadsheet for an address to assign the new machine) Use this IP address and gateway, x.x.x.x and x.x.x.x EastTexasBob : Ok it's asking to reboot. Bacon : Ok, EastTexasBob, go ahead and reboot. E astTexasBob : (After reboot)...

The Smell of Aqua Velva In The Morning... I'm one of the lucky few who has a private office at our company. It's not big, and it's not fancy, but it has a door. There are obvious benefits to an office, the main being, it's much easier to sluff off. They have hired a new person to sit in the empty cubicle outside my office. He's about 58. He has a very distinctive odor. I have pinned it down to "old man" smell, combined with a tad too much Aqua Velva. My door is no help here. Everywhere he goes, that malodorous trail follows him. I can almost picture it, like PePe' LePew in the old Warner Brothers classics. You can go in the break room and immediately realize that approximately two minutes ago, Aqua Velva Guy was here getting coffee. Maybe it's how he marks his territory. While at the grocery store I came across the candle section. Aha! I will neutralize Aqua Velva Guy with a sweet scented candle. Result? My office smells li...

Every Day Spent Above Ground Is a Good One My favorite television show (besides The Simpsons, of course) had their season premier tonight on HBO. Six Feet Under began it's 4th season tonight. I had read previews that said that this season was going to be upbeat and a little less dark. Maybe after the first episode. Picking up right where they left off, there has never been a more dysfunctional family on TV than the Fischers. It's like a train-wreck, you can't look away. If you dont't watch this show, and have HBO, you really need to check it out. I usually Tivo this show (when it comes on at 8:00) and watch it later when the family is in bed. The Tivo decided that it would record the repeat that airs on Monday night. ARghhhh!! Ive waited over a year for the return of this show! So I stayed up to catch the 11:00 airing on HBO2. Im sure i'll pay in the morning, but it was worth it.

Kwik Lubed I'm pretty technically savy when it comes to things electronic. But, mechanically, I have no clue. Especially when it comes to cars. I couldn't change the oil if you paid me to. I have always taken my car to a local oil and lube place (Kwik Kar) in my town for oil change and inspections. Recently they changed management, and it seems the service has gone downhill. Today, I was right at my 3,000 miles since my last oil change and dropped by to be serviced. I should have turned around and left when the grease lackey asked me what the name of the fourth ninja Turtle was. I looked at him like he was crazy, and he said they had a running bet. After the oil was changed, Ninja Turtle Boy asked me to come out, he needed to show me something. He had the fuel injector housing removed and ran his finger through the front of the cylinder showing me how much carbon buildup I had. Knowing that their goal is to get you to buy more than an oil change (my car only has 2...

Audiobook Review #2 Deal Breaker by Harlen Coben Those of you waiting with bated breath (yes both of you) for my next scintillating audiobook review after the first installation your wait is over. I read a book called Tell No One by Harlen Coben. It was a GREAT mystery book, a real page turner and a quick read. After checking out the authors website, I found that he previously wrote a series of novels about a Sports Agent wannabe detective named Myron Bolitar. The series of books popped up on Usenet (the last bastion of complete and unfettered copyright protection violations) and I decided to give the first of the series, Deal Breaker , a listen. If you are an AudiobookPhile such as myself, you know how important the reader of the book is. The book can be the best thing since the Bible, but if the reader is bad, it will ruin the audio book. My initial reaction to Jonathan Marosz was negative. Didn't like his style at all. But after the first chapter it got a bit be...

Get the Funk Out Extreme Bizarre day. Walked around in a funk. Nothing was specifically wrong, it was just one of those days. We ate at Posada's a Tex Mex joint, where the greeter (it HAD to be her first day) asked us if we would like to sit down. Uh, now we prefer the standing section thank you very much. The meal was ok, nothing to write home about. I tried to watch TV, but lost interest in everything I tried, Monster House, CSI Miami, but just ended up saying screw it and turned it early. A regular ball of fire I am!

All Due Respect... The season finale of The Sopranos was tonight. For twelve weeks there has been a showdown brewing between the New York boss of bosses Johnny Sack and Tony. It was going to be a bloodbath, Armageddon, no one gets out alive. It never materialized. The Johnny Sack situation was solved by the FBI as one of his own ratted him out. It seemed a bit to tidy for me, the problems Tony wrapped up all nice and neat with a simple arrest. That being said, this was by far the finest season of the Soprano's yet. Hopefully they can top it in the final season next year.

By Mattel (TM) My sister has a birthday Tuesday. It got me thinking about birthday parties of my youth. You would take the invitations to school. You would invite people that you might have said hello to once. The more you invite, the more presents you get right? That was the goal. I remember one birthday specifically. It was still in elementary school, but I can't place the grade. The hot "toy" at the time was Slime by Mattel . You remember, came in a little green trashcan, and had a penchant for ruining new carpet? I wanted a can of slime. I wanted it bad. When it came time to open presents, most of the goodies in wrapping paper looked suspiciously alike. A coincidence I thought. I grabbed the first present, and tore through the paper, I had my first coveted can of Slime (by Mattel TM). Ten minutes later I opened my seventh can of Slime. It was incredible. I was on fire, never before had there been a Slime run such as my guests were witnessing, I was in ...

Screen Real Estate Summertime in Texas brings with it the threat of severe thunderstorms. Something you get used to after 37 years. I just wish someone could tell me why its neccessary to take up 98.4% of my television screen when there are weather warnings? Scroll across the bottom when there is a warning, that's ok. No, that's not good enough, now we have to scroll across the bottom in English AND Spanish. Wouldn't want to offend anyone. Some local station executive had the bright idea of not only scrolling the warning, he decides it would be a nifty idea to superimpose a little map of the counties in the top left portion of the screen with the affected counties highlighted. Add the semitransparent Station logo in the bottom right corner and you literally have a third of your screen covered in weather warnings. Not annoying enough? Just wait until an important part of your television show, they wait for the perfect moment, and the local weather guru will pop ...

Cherrypicking a Career The main reason that we went to the East Texas office yesterday was to take inventory of a survey company that was going out of business (which our East Texas office had a lot to do with). This company had been a fixture is this sleepy little East Texas town for 40 years and they had agreed to sell us the office. It was located in a house that was at least 70 years old. It was like visiting my grandmothers house. It had the crystal doorknobs throughout the house, the keyholes in which your stereotypical skeleton key fit and the great ceramic gas heaters in the wall. Our East Texas office manager lacks your basic people skills, lets just say tact is not in his lexicon. He paraded through the house while the owner, and his 3 employees (all of which have been employed by this company for over 20 years) watched. He would state things like, "I can't believe they still do THIS , we did THIS 10 years ago." and "wow look at this old piece of s...

Head East Young Man Once about every other month, I have to go out to our office in East Texas to apply the latest patches and just make sure their small network is running smooth. It's about an hour and a half drive from Dallas. I don't particularly look forward to these jaunts but it actually can break up the monotony. This trip, my boss decided to go with me, which is good, because he drives. It usually takes less time when he drives, because his BMW is a tad faster than my rice burner. On a particularly long open, empty stretch of highway, I mentioned that the fastest that I have ever gone in a car was 110 miles per hour. He promptly jumped on the accelerator and we were and 120 mph in two or three seconds. Quite exhilarating, that's for sure. It had plenty left under the hood too, but IM glad he backed down to ninety. As I said, these little trips sometimes break up the monotony.

Storm of the Century As usual my headline exaggerates a bit. But MAN did we have a storm last night. Summer time in north Texas means thunderstorms. Very common. But the one last night, was stronger than usual. No stuctural damage to the house, but our big tree in the front yard lost one of his main branches. Will have to call a "tree guy" out to fix it correctly. I need another expense like a hole in the head. The residential streets on the way to work were littered with branches and runaway trash cans. As of this morning, the news was reporting that up to 500,000 people were still without power.

End of an Era Well the 8th Grade Baseball season came to a crashing halt tonight. Not and unexpected end, but after last weeks surprise performance, there was a sliver of hope that we could have a Rocky like run through the playoffs. Offense was dead again, @ having the only hit and RBI once again. Their pitcher was so much better than any 14 year old should be. It almost wasn't fair. Our defense returned to it's normal pourous self. The coaches son (shortshop) was a bit more horrid than usual (5 errors, 0-3 at the plate). During one sequence of the game, THREE straight hits went directly between his legs. I wish I were exaggerating. So our brilliant coach (IE: Dad) finally moved him to second where he could make two more. Another fine move. Oh well. It's over. @ had his finest season at the plate ever with a .938 on base percentage getting out only twice in 12 games. Im looking forward to what he can do at the high school level with some good coaches. But you...